Bush-Era Changes to Newly-Released "Bambi" DVD

• Bambi’s Mom shoots first.
  
• Flower the Skunk replaced with clearly heterosexual boar Steve-O.
  
• Rampant nudity covered with black bars.
  
• Man’s ominous entrance into forest redrawn with animals happily welcoming humans and their enchanting notion of “zoning permits.”
  
• Thumper’s line “the water is stiff” removed from all prints.
  
• Supposedly over-idyllic view of nature balanced out with flesh-eating trees.
  
• Friend Owl instructs young animals to enter into covenant marriages.
  
• Horrific forest fire now referred to by animals as excellent example of “controlled burning.”
  
• Film’s cyclical plot of rebirth replaced with woodland creatures learning evils of premarital sex.
  
• Mrs. Opossum expresses her disapproval of Bambi being raised by single parent.
  
• Bambi fights another buck for right to place Ten Commandments statue in clearing.
  
• First act’s focus on innocence of youth interspersed with terror alerts.
  
• Bambi’s girlfriend Faline given less French-sounding name “Helen.”
  
• Bambi’s long-lost father returns after fighting for “liberty” in Iraq…and Iran…and Syria…and…
  
• Bambi transforms from a “young prince of the forest” into a freshman Republican Senator from Kentucky.
  
• When Spring arrives the young animals’ thoughts turn to church camp.
  
• Bambi grows up and leaves forest when he realizes nature belongs to the loggers.

Thanks to Drink at Work