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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

All the President's men...

...couldn't possibly put Rumsfeld back together again.

Continuing his December hit parade, Rumsfeld let slip in Iraq that "the people who attacked the United States in New York, shot down the plane over Pennsylvania.". Huh?

Whatever he means by that, whether he's agreeing with Jadakiss that "Bush knocked down the towers", or he's simply lost the ability to camoflauge his incompetence, that crack wraps up what should be his December Resignation to Remember Tour. To recap:

Dec 8 -- Tells troops "You go to war with the Army you have"
Dec 8 -- FBI CYA memo leaked which reveals that Gitmo is the Abu Ghraib of the Caribbean
Dec 17 -- Admits to using a machine to sign condolence letters that are co-signed, by hand, by Bush.
Dec 27 -- Finally puts to bed the whole "Let's Roll" thing.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Fun with Rummy

Pulp Fiction

Second lady Lynne Cheney said Sunday that the government should step in when entertainment television crosses the line by broadcasting racy material during hours when children are watching.
"I think that's where government maybe does have a role, particularly when it comes to what happens on prime-time television," Cheney told "Fox News Sunday."
Mrs. Cheney cited "surprises like the surprise advertisement in which one of the 'Desperate Housewives' stars dropped her towel," referring to the controversial "Monday Night Football" ad where Nicolette Sheridan propositions grid star Terrell Owens.
I haven't watched [the series]," Cheney said. "But the thing we have to do is protect our kids from this. It's one thing for adults to do - they've had a long time to form their values. But it's another thing for kids."
She would also like to you to read her hot, steamy, sex-filled novel, Sisters, that she wrote. You know, instead of watching stuff like that on TV.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Hey Bill! I like cigars, too!

Limbaugh loves sitting back and relaxing with a cigar.
“Of course you have to save the Cuban cigars for special occasions. I like keeping things special in my life. So I do smoke some Honduran Punches now and then."
And we thought only the Liberal Elite had access to the finer things in life.

I'm a Gangsterer!

What started as a series of political statements by local billboard artists has expanded into a controversy involving the Federal Election Commission and sparked a debate on the nature of politics, art and the use of property.

The current incarnation of the politically charged billboard series visible from the freewayA lightning rod of the controversy is a sign featuring a grinning image of George W. Bush offering the thumbs-up with the words “Dang, it feels good to be a gangsterer!” printed above. The current billboard on the side of a large brick building at 922 Massachusetts Ave. is clearly visible from the I-65/I-70 freeway interchange.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Choosing in the Black Hills

If South Dakotan conservatives have their way, they will ride the "mandate" of the elections to a final passage of a bill that barely got defeated in 2004. The bill would outlaw abortion in the state, except where the mother's life was in jeopardy because of the pregnancy.

Barney Frank warned gay activists that pushing gay marriage in Massachussets would lead to a backlash, and he was right. My hunch is that the same thing will happen here. These two issues poll almost exactly the same. If you are going to push people on the issue, they are going to come down on the side of allowing a woman the right to choose. This action in SD will be the beginning of the pro-life backlash.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

A Horse's Ass

Wild horses and burros could be bought or sold for slaughter under a provision in the $388 billion spending bill that President Bush signed into law on Wednesday.

If this disturbs you, as much as it does me, you can visit the following site to adopt a wild horse or burro.

Friday, December 10, 2004

A question is a question...

Does Rumsfeld get off the hook because a reporter helped phrase a question and ensure that it got asked? He shouldn't. In an administration where media freedoms are treated with open hostility, reporters in the White House press pool frequently collaborate on drafting questions for press conferences.

It's Rumsfeld's answers to the questions which are actionable here. The guy has simply got to go. For the head of the DOD to say that he has no idea what the Army is doing during a war is an affront.

Monday, December 06, 2004

A real Award

When we, at NastyBoy, direct you to an important piece of literature, we expect you to take notice; much like Publishers Weekly did when they named Jon Stewart's "America" it's Book of the Year.

I won me an award, too!

For the second consecutive year, George W. Bush has been named the winner of the National Council of Teachers of English's Doublespeak Award.

The award is scheduled to be announced today at the 94th annual convention of the teachers' association in Indianapolis.

The group calls the Doublespeak Award an ironic tribute "to American public figures who have perpetuated language that is grossly deceptive, evasive, euphemistic, confusing, or self-contradictory."

Bush, the Committee on Public Doublespeak decided, "has set a high standard for his team by the inspired invention of the phrase, 'weapons of mass destruction-related program activities' to describe what has yet to be seen."

In its official announcement, the committee also took note of the president's description of an open forum as a place where "you're able to come and listen to what I have to say."

How I learned to stop worrying and love the Iraqi election deadline

If the Dems had learned even one lesson by now, you'd think they'd catch on to the playground politics of the GOP and the brutality of Bush's message machine. By remaining a voice of reason, they are walking into the same snares that Bush has used so mercilessly against them for the past four years.

If they say, "Look at Iraq. It's a mess. Major political factions are saying they won't participate in the election. Security only gets worse as the election nears. We need to postpone the election," Bush gains ground by making them look like weak-kneed schoolgirls who quaked at the Afghan elections, which, according to him, went off without a hitch, yet another mile overtaken by freedom on the march.

What they need to do is embrace this impossible deadline, because Bush will declare victory no matter what. They predetermine their destiny by calling for postponement. The only opening they have for political gain is if they fully support the President, until the elections go pear-shaped. That's the moment when the punch will actually land. Any jabs before then just get the same judo treatment that Bush is brilliant at dishing out.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Fun With Graphs

No Child Left Unrecruited

Sharon Shea-Keneally, principal of Mount Anthony Union High School in Bennington, Vermont, was shocked when she received a letter in May from military recruiters demanding a list of all her students, including names, addresses, and phone numbers. The school invites recruiters to participate in career days and job fairs, but like most school districts, it keeps student information strictly confidential.
"We don't give out a list of names of our kids to anybody," says Shea-Keneally, "not to colleges, churches, employers -- nobody."

20 Amazing Facts About Voting in the USA

Thanks to Angry Girl

Did you know....

1. 80% of all votes in America are counted by only two companies: Diebold and ES&S.

2. There is no federal agency with regulatory authority or oversight of the U.S. voting machine industry.

3. The vice-president of Diebold and the president of ES&S are brothers.

4. The chairman and CEO of Diebold is a major Bush campaign organizer and donor who wrote in 2003 that he was "committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year."

5. Republican Senator Chuck Hagel used to be chairman of ES&S. He became Senator based on votes counted by ES&S machines.

6. Republican Senator Chuck Hagel, long-connected with the Bush family, was recently caught lying about his ownership of ES&S by the Senate Ethics Committee.

7. Senator Chuck Hagel was on a short list of George W. Bush's vice-presidential candidates.

8. ES&S is the largest voting machine manufacturer in the U.S. and counts almost 60% of all U.S. votes.

9. Diebold's new touch screen voting machines have no paper trail of any votes. In other words, there is no way to verify that the data coming out of the machine is the same as what was legitimately put in by voters.

10. Diebold also makes ATMs, checkout scanners, and ticket machines, all of which log each transaction and can generate a paper trail.

11. Diebold is based in Ohio.

12. Diebold employed 5 convicted felons as senior managers and developers to help write the central compiler computer code that counted 50% of the votes in 30 states.

13. Jeff Dean, Diebold's Senior Vice-President and senior programmer on Diebold's central compiler code, was convicted of 23 counts of felony theft in the first degree.

14. Diebold Senior Vice-President Jeff Dean was convicted of planting back doors in his software and using a "high degree of sophistication" to evade detection over a period of 2 years.

15. None of the international election observers were allowed in the polls in Ohio.

16. California banned the use of Diebold machines because the security was so bad. Despite Diebold's claims that the audit logs could not be hacked, a chimpanzee was able to do it!

17. 30% of all U.S. votes are carried out on unverifiable touch screen voting machines with no paper trail.

18. All -- not some -- but all the voting machine errors detected and reported in Florida went in favor of Bush or Republican candidates.

19. The governor of the state of Florida, Jeb Bush, is the President's brother.

20. Serious voting anomalies in Florida -- again always favoring Bush -- have been mathematically demonstrated and experts are recommending further investigation.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Bush Successfully Compares Himself to Stalin

Yep, that's Bush II filling Stalin's slot next to FDR and Churchill in a poorly chosen backdrop from his poorly executed Canadian trip. The picture set the tone for speeches where he told Canadians that they would learn to like his policies on missile defence and regime change.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Oh, I can play it straight.

An Alabama lawmaker who sought to ban gay marriages now wants to ban novels with gay characters from public libraries, including university libraries.

A bill by Rep. Gerald Allen, R-Cottondale, would prohibit the use of public funds for "the purchase of textbooks or library materials that recognize or promote homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle." Allen said he filed the bill to protect children from the "homosexual agenda."
Can anyone protect us from the Right-wing Religious Wackos?
If the bill became law, public school textbooks could not present homosexuality as a genetic trait and public libraries couldn't offer books with gay or bisexual characters.

When asked about Tennessee Williams' southern classic "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof," Allen said the play probably couldn't be performed by university theater groups.

Iraq adopts terror alert system

BAGHDAD—The Iraqi Department of Homeland Security recently released a 10-level, color-coded homeland security advisory system that will alert citizens to the risk of a terrorist attack within Iraq's borders. The country's current threat level is elevated, or Code Yellow-Orange. Citizens living in towns with populations of 1,500 or more should prepare for the smoke of burning vehicles to obscure the sun and expect hostages to be tortured for several days before being killed. Should the terror risk level rise to Code Orange-Yellow, it is likely that hostages will be left alive only long enough to dig their own graves.
Brought to you by the funny people at The Onion.

Top Ten List of Public Safety Hazards

Political comic Will Durst composed a top ten list of Political actions posing safety hazards to the general public.
1. Ukrainian Election Fraud. Discovered through major discrepancies between exit polling and actual voting. But in Ohio and Florida, discrepancies dismissed as anomalies. Later, suspect exit polls altered to reflect vote count totals. Poses risk of accusations of geographical bias.

2. Janet Jackson's Boob. One breast. Seen for a half second. From across a football field. Poses risk of innocent heads spinning right off their necks.

3. Bush Presidential Campaign. Denounces Kerry campaign for exploiting Mary Cheney's homosexuality for political purposes. Gagging risk.

4. Bush Presidential Campaign. Borderline deserter accuses decorated veteran of war crimes. Sanity hazard.

5. Dick Cheney. Instructs Senator Patrick Leahy in fine art of self-actuating yoga. Risk of moral high ground erosion.

6. John Kerry. Voted for war, then against it. Wind surfing in August? Reports of motivation and incentive handles falling off of base.

7. Halliburton. Government auditors recommend Army withhold $90 million payment to Dick Cheney's favorite 501(c)3 due to fact that not only did they lie and cheat and steal, they didn't even bother to be sneaky about it. Choking hazard.

8. Congressional Republicans. Change ethics rules so Tom Delay won't be forced to relinquish leadership when indicted for felony. Feeble explanations prove hard to swallow.

9. America's Clergy. Advocated Bush's re-election from pulpit due to his superior moral nature – ignoring the suspect morality of killing upwards of 100,000 Iraqis under intentionally false pretenses. Potential eternal fire and burn hazard.

10. 66 ABC Officials. For not airing 3rd annual Veterans' Day showing of Saving Private Ryan due to stated fear of flaunting decency standards. Severe risk of genital shrinkage.

Abstinence Bang!

"Many American youngsters participating in federally funded abstinence-only programs have been taught over the past three years that abortion can lead to sterility and suicide, that half the gay male teenagers in the United States have tested positive for the AIDS virus, and that touching a person's genitals 'can result in pregnancy,' a congressional staff analysis has found."

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Remember back in 2001 when you helped us out?

Bush finally got around to thanking Canada for receiving our air traffic during the 9/11/01 crisis. Do you think he could have thanked them when we needed their help in Iraq? Or how about when they asked us not to proceed with the unnecessary SDI? This guy looks more and more like Zappa's Bobby Brown with each passing day.