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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Vote for my nuts

Norman Mailer was fond of pointing out, apropos to Clinton's continued popularity despite the impeachment, that in ancient Egypt the Pharaoh would appear before the masses and unveil an enormous phallus between his legs. The false phallus was seen as a comforting sign of the Pharaoh's virility, and in turn, a sign that the security of the royal lineage was assured.

The device of appealling to the masses on the basis of one's genitalia has never lost its power. The Rolling Stones updated the sock-down-the-trousers gag in '75,
and GWBII brought it to a new low during his first term. Ever since he stuffed his nutsack into that flight suit, he's become obsessively phallus-oriented.

Yesterday, at a town meeting, he attacked Kerry's indecisiveness with his trademark declarative sentences, which have all the nuance of a sledgehammer. But as the election nears, those base monosyllables of his are getting accompanied by ever more demonstrative genital gestures. His basic bowleggedness, which is a silent indication of genitalia too large to accomodate proper posture, is now accompanied by hip swivels and knee dips which put his crotch ever closer to the center of attention.

Ed Sullivan wouldn't approve and neither should we, but it's not that kind of world. Instead, Kerry's got to make lame-assed attempts to compete by globbing on to any activity that can be seen as manly. Poor guy. I bet he wishes now that Matt Drudge actually had some real dirt back in the primaries when he threatened a scoop about a Kerry affair. At least that would get his nuts some attention.


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